Episode 1

The Chronicles of Swishy Pete

Introducing Swishy Pete

"If you want to know about me and my life," said Pete, as he blew the final coat of clear nail polish on his right hand dry, "please do not ask me what I do for a living."

"If a man is interested in making your acquaintance, how should he proceed?" Minnie asked.

"Girl, Minnie, Boo-Boo, let me break it down to you. Suppose some hot-n-sexy man walks up to you, right…"

"I ain't feeling any men these days," Minnie said as she rolled her eyes.

"Alrighty-then, say it is Ms Janet Jackson," said Pete.

"She's all wit Jermaine now, so bump her too," Minnie said.

"Girl," said Pete, "if you don’t let me get this story out."

"I'm sorry Swishy Pete," Minnie sarcastically said, "get on with it, bitch."

"What they are doing'," said Pete as he cut his eyes at Minnie, "when they ask what you do for a living, professionally, is summing you up based on your job title. Baby, I prefer to let them make something up and save me the worry. And don't call me Swishy, if I wanted to be insulted I would call my father."

"Hello, it's a joke," Minnie said. "If they do not ask what you do for a living, how are they supposed to pass judgment, and determine whether they like you?"

"Minnie, you can be so simple sometimes," said Pete as he stood, "look at me honey, anyone worth knowing could tell without asking that I'm fabulously complex."

"Are you saying you're transparent?" Minnie asked.

"See God in everyone," said Pete as he folded his hands together and looking up to the sky praying. "No ass-wipe, let me come at this from a different direction. If you saw a homeless man, you would not need to know his professional occupation to know at least the obvious part of his story."

"What if he were not homeless," Minnie asked, "but just a bad dresser?"

"Don't breathe girl or I'll lose you," Pete said sarcastically. "Instead of asking me what I do for a living, why not ask where I was born."

"Hello, ask me bitch."

"Hey, swishy Pete where you from girlfriend," Minnie said jokingly, barely able to get it all out.

"Pardon me sir, where y'all from?"

"Where am I from? How nice of you to ask," said Pete clutching his pearls, "I am from Oklahoma. Now, Minnie, what does that say to you about me?"

"Umm, growing up you were not allowed to walk backward while eating a hamburger."

"No fool," Pete yelled, "that was only true in Oklahoma city. Oklahoma is a great Broadway Musical, and it speaks of my yearning to be a stage actress. Next, I was born in the small city of Cherokee, what do you think that says about me?"

"Oh I know--that you are an afro-descendant of Cherokee extraction, like Beyonce," Minnie said.

"No, that I performed the Cher song, Half Breed, in drag back in the day at the club, Ho!"

"Donny and Marie," said the manager, "your lunch breaks are over, time to get back to work."

"He ain't all that just cause he's the manager and I don't appreciate his tone," Pete said as he headed toward the backdoor of the restaurant and puts out his cigarette. "I coulda been manager if I had finished college."

"Is that why you don't wanna tell folks what you do for a living?" Minnie asked.

"Yep," said Pete as he held the door open for Minnie.

"Oh, cool," Minnie said, "I just wanted to clear on your process."