"Happy 40th birthday, Pete," Minnie said.
"Thank you sweetie, Delicious and Charlotte should arrive soon."
"Oh Pete, you invited her!"
"I thought you loved Delicious."
"No, not him, Char, I cannot believe you invited her to have dinner with us on your birthday."
"She invited herself. You can manage one dinner without killing her, can't you?"
"Hey Delicious," Minnie said, ignoring Pete's question completely, "girl, guess who's comin' to dinner?"
"Good Lord honey, if you say the Latina devil wears Prada I am going to be violently ill."
"Well," Minnie said, "queue the dry heaves."
"Hello, ladies," Charlotte said as she whipped her mink coat into the booth.
"Charlotte," Delicious said, "I thought I smelled over chewed Big Red and a hint of Chuchifritos."
"Pete, I didn't know you were inviting ridiculous and your beard."
"Isn't it irresponsible to wear fur?"
"So is that funky rat pelt of yours," Char replied to Minnie.
"Any who," Delicious said, "How old are you today Pete?"
"He's…"
"A lady never reveals her true age," said Pete interrupting Minnie.
"And since you’re a real old lady it is not necessary, it's written all over your face," Char said.
"Out of curiosity Char," said Pete, "did you come tonight to insult and annoy us?"
"Pretty much," Char said, "I got some good news tonight and I could not wait to tell all my good friends, but they were busy so I'm hanging out with you losers."
"Come on and tell us," said Pete, "what's the big news, girl?"
"My good girlfriend had a baby and asked me to be the Godmother, and the christening is in three weeks."
"By any chance," Delicious said, "is the mother's name Rosemary?"
"So," Minnie said, "what church do they attend?"
"Why?" Charlotte replied ignoring Delicious' question.
"The thing is in a church, right?"
"Jesus Christ, I don't do church," Char said.
"Where did you think the ceremony would be?"
"Honestly, Pete, I thought they would dunk its little head in the bathtub or something."
"You had better sneak a flask in your purse and pray for deliverance," said Pete.
"I'm not that religious," Char said, "I'm more a spiritual person."
"I personally," Minnie said, "have not been to church since I prayed to win the lotto."
"Did you win?" Delicious asked.
"Hell no and that’s why it was the last time."
"Well, I'm an old-fashioned, God fearing, and church goin' Christian," Delicious said, "my black-ass is sitting in a pew every Sunday. What about you Pete?"
"I served my time; I attended parochial grade school, and did a two-year stint at a Jesuit college," said Pete, "and I came to the conclusions that there is no God and commercial religion is the root of all evil."
"So, Char," Minnie asked, "what do you mean you're more spiritual?"
"I don't know! I've heard people use it as an excuse when they do not go to church regularly, so I check that box. I still want to get into heaven."
"Do you ever feel guilty for believing in Christ but not attending church?" Delicious said as he gave the stink eye to the people at the adjacent table for eavesdropping.
"Miss D, I feel guilty when I pay retail for Marc Jacobs."
"For me," said Pete, "I have always hated the--I'm right and you're wrong views of religions."
"There are things you have to look past to be a good Christian," Delicious said.
"So D," Minnie interjected, "don't you feel guilty sitting in a pew every Sunday, while a minister condemns gay people to hell from the bull pit?"
"Its pulpit," Delicious said, "and most of them are gay but closeted; they need to keep their jobs."
"It’s the hypocrisy I hate," Minnie said.
"How do you know that?"
"I know how church-folk can be," Minnie said to Pete.
"I meant how do you know that word?"
"The same way I knew you were a pillow biter."
"So, what you're saying D," Char examined, "you endorse those who wish to deny gay people the same rights all Americans enjoy, when they are in fact gay themselves."
"All this religious stuff bores me," Minnie said.
"Yeah none of this is going to get me out of church duty," Char sighed.
"Honey, just decline to be Godmother," Delicious said.
"Did we forget the woman of the hour," Minnie said, "Swishy Pete's it's your birthday."
"Happy birthday Swishy Pete," everyone said in unison.
"Well," Char said, "let's get the hell out of Appleseed's."
"It's Applebee's, bitch," Delicious said under his breath.
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