Episode 6: Porgy & Bass

The Chronicles of Swishy Pete

Episode: Porgy & Bass

"Pete, please explain to me why I am having this queer gathering for Ted and Mel."

"Hello--collectively both girls have worked for you twenty-years, Char."

"Mel and Ted are girls?"

"Yes, Charlotte, Mel, and Ted are girls."

"All these years I thought they were masculine gay men."

"They are lesbians, Char, you know that."

"That would explain the Ellen vests, the pile of Jane Rule books in her office, and Lword episodes' TiVoed."

"Girl, your observational skills are on point," said Pete sarcastically.

"Thanks Swishy, but how did I get stuck organizing the cookout and was not invited to the fabulous lez wedding?"

"You lied and said you had a scheduled breast augmentation the day of the wedding."

"Remind me to buy a pushup bra."

"Sure thing, right after I tell Minnie's children they are not adopted."

"I heard my name, whose talking about me," Minnie said as she and Delicious entered the patio.

"I believe it was a frantic call from Jenny Craig," Char said.

"Hmmhmm—cute, but when are we eating."

"I am almost finished grilling the fish," said Pete to Minnie.

"What kind of fish are we having?"

"Porgy and Bass," said Pete to Minnie.

"Isn't that a Musical?"

"No, Minnie, that would be Porgy and Bess, a novel originally made into a beautiful opera and later made into a movie in 1959," Char said.

"Wow Char, you know a great deal about things people could not care less about." Minnie said.

"Speaking of fish," Delicious said, "where is the soon to be married couple."

"Forgive my ignorance," Char said lightly pushing D to the side, "but why do gay people want to marry?"

"It is the entire GLBT community, Minnie said."

"Ok," Char said, "why do dikes, fags, down lows and boys in dresses want to marry?"

"Oh child, I do not know," Delicious said. "It is a mystery to me."

"Queers should have the opportunity to be as miserable as straight married couples," Minnie said.

"When I was young boy," said Pete, "I planned my third wedding complete with a twice-divorced NBA player with three children, a mansion I got in my second divorce settlement, and the June cover of O Magazine."

"Cute story," Minnie said, "but where are Porgy and Bess?"

"If you are referring to the guests of honor, Mel and Ted, they will be here soon."

"Char, I was talking about the fish, I'm hungry bitch."

"I fail to understand why same gender couples feel the need to be like straight people, marriage is designed for one man and one woman." Delicious said.

"I fail to understand late lesbians," Minnie said.

"That sounds more like an example of prejudice than an argument, Delicious," said Pete.

"And please do not say gay marriage threatens the institution of marriage," Charlotte said.

"I agree that argument is stupid, I know plenty of married straight folks, and it ain't any institution," Minnie said.

"Well, gay people do have the right to marry just not to the same gender," Delicious said.

"Lets face it y'all, America is not ready to completely accept queer people," Minnie said.

"Then why were shows like Will & Grace and Queer Eye so wildly successful?"

"And Char, we may not want to admit it," said Pete, "but the gay community is full of those who do not care about LGBT equal rights."

"I am all for equal rights," Delicious said, "but we need to get rid of the idea of marriage altogether too radically make changes in our society."

"Oh—that is a good point," Minnie said, "are we having salad?"

"The gay community is five fingers, but we need to be a fist to strike a deadly blow," said Pete.

"I agree with Pete, it is the Porgy and Bess phenomenon," Char said.

"I don't get it," Delicious said.

"It is apparent the gay movement is strangely out of step, and behind the times for modern gays," Char said.

"That is not the issue," Delicious said.

"Take the failure of the Porgy and Bess movie, for example, racial identification had changed," Char said.

"Those images were no longer representative of the future of black Americans," said Pete.

"Black is beautiful became a cultural movement," Char said.

"And Porgy and Bess became a period piece," said Pete.

"Wait one minute, are you comparing gay marriage to the civil rights movement?"

"No I am not, but gay marriage is part of our gay rights movement."

"Are we talking about fish, musicals or queer marriage," Minnie said, "I'm lost."

"Char," said Pete, "if you are pro-gay weddings, why did you decline to attend Mel and Teds?"

"The same reason I declined the Star Jones-Reynolds spectacle, I knew they would call it quits in a few years."

"Hey guys, sorry we are late," said Mel holding Ted's hand.

"Oh thank God, we can eat!"